EYES WIDE OPEN

As many of you know, Nicole and I have been an “item” for some time now, and while the press hasn’t been especially kind - I remember one article referred to me as the ‘out of work, slack-assed writer’ - we have enjoyed an especially fulfilling relationship. Me with my hang-ups and her with hers. She came to me in a dream one day and she never left. Until now.

Part of me always realized that this kind of thing doesn’t happen to just anyone. That this visitation, while often feeling angelic, was probably just dumb luck. Superstars do not date non-superstars. But these last few months, I have tried not to think about those things and just let myself be happy. For once in my life. Maybe this whole time I was never really content, but at least I was happy. There is a difference. And contentment is way overrated.

For a while now, I have had a taste of the rich and famous lifestyle. Sort of. But now it is all ending. Seems the rabbit has died. For all of you unfamiliar with that expression, or if you are just reading my blog for the first time and have no idea what I am talking about…Nicole is not pregnant as we thought she might be. That is the good news. I guess the bad news is that we will no longer be an ‘item’. I really should have seen this for what it was - a seasonal romance. But I am okay. Or, at least, I will be okay. Besides, this will only make my writing better, right? Who can write anything decent when they’re happy? Next time out, I’m looking for contentment. So…Sophia Coppola, if you are reading this…

In the meantime, let me just say this. Nicole is in L.A. this weekend for the premiere of The Interpreter tonight. I wish her well in all her future endeavors. Hell…indulge me for a second here - these next words are for her alone.

Dearest Nicole,

I never thought we’d last forever. I’m not that delusional. When you came over last night and shared your thoughts. Your heart. It was like a self-fulfilling prophesy. One I had set into motion even before I saw that first twinkle in your beautiful blue eyes. I don’t know if I honestly expected you to bridge the impossible gap between our two worlds or not. Maybe I thought I might like it where you are. Now I realize that can never happen. Some things are just never meant to be. You know that before they begin, but you just can’t help trying to get close. At least for a little while. I guess that’s what I did. Thanks for being honest with me. And thanks for the time you did give me. I really didn’t deserve you. I hope you find happiness AND contentment in your future. You are a real lady and incredibly beautiful. Can I just tell you - and it’s amazing I have the strength to - that I think you and Tom should give it another go. I would support that. Plus it would be good for the kids. And you don’t have to like L. Ron Hubbard. That’s okay.
Say ‘hi’ to Sean Penn for me. And don’t think you can’t ever call. Some part of me feels like I will always be here for you. You have an eternal friend. And please know that all your secrets are safe with me. At least outside of this blog. And I will always enter into things with my eyes wide shut. Thanks to you.

J.F.