THE ART OF LUCIDITY

Automatic said, "Go high up on that mountain and if you yell out what you really want...you'll get it." Of course, I don't believe him. Nothing is that easy. The desires of my heart are always just a couple of steps away, but a couple of steps might as well be across the world. I'll tell you what I really want because here, in this venue, I can share it all raw and it doesn't cost me a thing. I want my heart back.
Sometimes I wonder where I'd be without Nicole around. She seems to bring me so much warmth that I shudder to think what banality would overcome me if a true vanishing occured. Just so we're clear about things, it's her that has my heart. She's had it for a while. Since the dream. And normally I wouldn't mind it so much. But she spends so much time out of the apartment. Out in the world. Drifting among all those toxic people. Drinking coffee with them even. And things just aren't the same anymore. She comes home dizzy, with her hair ratted out, smelling like cigarettes and failing - utterly - in the art of lucidity. That is not the Nicole I fell in love with. I wouldn't mind the time away at all. Just so she comes back. When she's here, she's never really here. And this is the keeper of my heart we're talking about. It would be so wonderful if we were back in the dream together. Like before. Walking around London in sweatshirts and long hair. Searching for open benches to lean into and let hours slip away.
These days...God know where she is. She has something very important of mine, and I want it back. My heart or her. She can decide. For now, I have some mountain climbing to do.