a muse
Just an update. Since no particular one issue has me splayed out in anger right now. And since the other two blogs that Automatic and I write for take up my need to indulge more abstract conceits. Let’s see what happens.
Well, it’s been about a week since Nicole ditched me. (You see, the good natured response and ‘wish you well’ semantics that initially defined our end has waned. At least on my side of the tracks.) The important thing right now is that I am strong.
Also, the government has decided, just this week, that it is time for my unemployment checks to stop coming to my apartment. This poses a slight problem for someone like me, who currently has no other source of income. I don’t understand why my books aren’t just blowing off the shelf. Or why The Believer doesn’t want to publish my rants. Or why there are problems with putting up my new play in Chicago right now. Things will even out. I am sure of it. This is just a dry spell. Besides, at the beginning of May, I will be leaving for a while anyway. Traveling to see my daughter. Then on to Tennessee, in order to help some friends get their theatre started. Maybe even do some acting. And get paid in the process. That’s not a bad prospect for the summer. Is it? (By the way, Red Clay Theatre - Cleveland, TN - It’s going to be the next big thing - way to go Stacey and Lisa.) In the meantime, I am holding on. And it looks like I’ll be running on the fumes of God this month. The important thing right now is that I am strong.
Also, my ex wife has been bearing down on me. Yes, I have one of those. Seems I was married for 5 years before. Way before. And it has haunted me ever since. Except for my wonderful daughter - she is the only bright spot. ( I worry now that you know way more than you should about me.) Anyway, my ex has been scolding me about the tardiness of my child support. This kind of ties into the whole unemployment thing. Seems I am behind. One month. Come on! I’m not some kind of dead-beat dad here. I am a respectable, out of work writer. John Walsh is not after me for anything. I’m not gonna show up on Cops. It’s one month! And there is all this, “Well Buzzard (her new man) and I want to know if this is going to be a consistent thing or if we can expect you to make it a priority or are you just goofing off or…”
What the hell? I told her my daughter IS a priority. When I get the money, she’ll be the first to get it. But you can’t get blood from a turnip. What am I to do? Then she threatens me with prison. Well, come and lock me up then. I have an active part in my daughter’s life - that would be great if I was in jail. Our relationship would be so much better then. I told her this. Then she backed off. But until when? Until I am a month behind again? She even had the gall to suggest I get the money from Nicole. Can you believe it? Guess she doesn’t read my blog. (Now that I think of it, for having dated a superstar, I got no monetary compensation for the entire escapade. I should have taking more advantage of that.) Oh well. The important thing right now is that I am strong.
This is totally off the subject, yet totally appropriate for the nature of this blog. My friend yesterday, (well my roommate, actually), was in pain for a large portion of the day and all I could do is watch. You see, she has a cyst on her ovaries, so every month, the arrival of her menstruation is completely like playing Russian Roulette. A cycle could come and go with the pain of a simple bee sting and disappear into the night, leaving nothing but a 28 day wait. That’s what we pray for. Then there are some cycles, like the one yesterday, that arrive with the power of a bear in heat. In these times, it is easy to believe that she is giving birth to a child twice the size of her own body. My job, because I was around, and because I care, was to heat wet towels in the microwave and bring them to her to place on her lower…area. Other than that one duty, I was not permitted into the bedroom. But I can tell you this. The noises that were coming out of that room were not human. I know that a human was making them, but they were so guttural and pagan, I felt more compelled to call a priest than a doctor. But I just let her be. At her request. And she didn’t die. Though it sounded like she did. At the end of it all, when I thought it safe to sneak back into the room, she lie in a pool of her own sweat in the center of her big purple bed. Asleep like a baby. How does she do it? I have no idea. I have a hard time dealing with a cut finger, while dicing up peppers for a quiche. I either need to get a stronger resolve or change my sex. But, God really needs to fix her…situation. I don’t know if I can handle it? The important thing right now is that I am strong.
Well, I’m going to go. Watch some movies or do some reading or something. Maybe I will have a breakthrough today and someone will actually pay me what I’m worth. Come to think of it, that might get me nowhere. Guess I can always contemplate the status quo for a little bit longer.
Well, it’s been about a week since Nicole ditched me. (You see, the good natured response and ‘wish you well’ semantics that initially defined our end has waned. At least on my side of the tracks.) The important thing right now is that I am strong.
Also, the government has decided, just this week, that it is time for my unemployment checks to stop coming to my apartment. This poses a slight problem for someone like me, who currently has no other source of income. I don’t understand why my books aren’t just blowing off the shelf. Or why The Believer doesn’t want to publish my rants. Or why there are problems with putting up my new play in Chicago right now. Things will even out. I am sure of it. This is just a dry spell. Besides, at the beginning of May, I will be leaving for a while anyway. Traveling to see my daughter. Then on to Tennessee, in order to help some friends get their theatre started. Maybe even do some acting. And get paid in the process. That’s not a bad prospect for the summer. Is it? (By the way, Red Clay Theatre - Cleveland, TN - It’s going to be the next big thing - way to go Stacey and Lisa.) In the meantime, I am holding on. And it looks like I’ll be running on the fumes of God this month. The important thing right now is that I am strong.
Also, my ex wife has been bearing down on me. Yes, I have one of those. Seems I was married for 5 years before. Way before. And it has haunted me ever since. Except for my wonderful daughter - she is the only bright spot. ( I worry now that you know way more than you should about me.) Anyway, my ex has been scolding me about the tardiness of my child support. This kind of ties into the whole unemployment thing. Seems I am behind. One month. Come on! I’m not some kind of dead-beat dad here. I am a respectable, out of work writer. John Walsh is not after me for anything. I’m not gonna show up on Cops. It’s one month! And there is all this, “Well Buzzard (her new man) and I want to know if this is going to be a consistent thing or if we can expect you to make it a priority or are you just goofing off or…”
What the hell? I told her my daughter IS a priority. When I get the money, she’ll be the first to get it. But you can’t get blood from a turnip. What am I to do? Then she threatens me with prison. Well, come and lock me up then. I have an active part in my daughter’s life - that would be great if I was in jail. Our relationship would be so much better then. I told her this. Then she backed off. But until when? Until I am a month behind again? She even had the gall to suggest I get the money from Nicole. Can you believe it? Guess she doesn’t read my blog. (Now that I think of it, for having dated a superstar, I got no monetary compensation for the entire escapade. I should have taking more advantage of that.) Oh well. The important thing right now is that I am strong.
This is totally off the subject, yet totally appropriate for the nature of this blog. My friend yesterday, (well my roommate, actually), was in pain for a large portion of the day and all I could do is watch. You see, she has a cyst on her ovaries, so every month, the arrival of her menstruation is completely like playing Russian Roulette. A cycle could come and go with the pain of a simple bee sting and disappear into the night, leaving nothing but a 28 day wait. That’s what we pray for. Then there are some cycles, like the one yesterday, that arrive with the power of a bear in heat. In these times, it is easy to believe that she is giving birth to a child twice the size of her own body. My job, because I was around, and because I care, was to heat wet towels in the microwave and bring them to her to place on her lower…area. Other than that one duty, I was not permitted into the bedroom. But I can tell you this. The noises that were coming out of that room were not human. I know that a human was making them, but they were so guttural and pagan, I felt more compelled to call a priest than a doctor. But I just let her be. At her request. And she didn’t die. Though it sounded like she did. At the end of it all, when I thought it safe to sneak back into the room, she lie in a pool of her own sweat in the center of her big purple bed. Asleep like a baby. How does she do it? I have no idea. I have a hard time dealing with a cut finger, while dicing up peppers for a quiche. I either need to get a stronger resolve or change my sex. But, God really needs to fix her…situation. I don’t know if I can handle it? The important thing right now is that I am strong.
Well, I’m going to go. Watch some movies or do some reading or something. Maybe I will have a breakthrough today and someone will actually pay me what I’m worth. Come to think of it, that might get me nowhere. Guess I can always contemplate the status quo for a little bit longer.
posted by The Passenger at 12:45 PM
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